Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
