she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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