is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Actions speak louder than pants.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
