fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
vagina is talking i cant
So squirting runs in the family.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
