...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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