broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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