Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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