Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
