i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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