My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
