My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
