Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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