So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
