I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
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I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
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You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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