Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
