I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
