I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize
