Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
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