i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
