Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
