don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
