you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
