Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
