"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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