She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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