note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
