I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
