if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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