i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
