Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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