My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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