all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize