Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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