He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
