i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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