pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
