John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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