he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
