I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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