Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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