I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
