Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
