the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
