Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
