Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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