my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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