he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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