this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
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