my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
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i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
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I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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