There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
