Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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