i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
