this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
