the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
