Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
