So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
