So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
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