The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
