Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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