highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
