i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
