i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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