mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas