We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
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Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
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don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?