I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!