I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Rumble strips road head = magical
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead