I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
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You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
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this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I AM VODKA MAN
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night