i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
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rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
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I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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