i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I wish there were birth control emojis
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
