I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
