god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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