I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
