Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
