you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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