chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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