The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
