Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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