where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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