My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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