1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
