I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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