dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
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So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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