Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
