so that wasnt chicken after all
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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